A hospital room at Franklin General. In bed is Billy Ryan, an out-of-shape and once-handsome man in his forties. Visiting him is a big man in his sixties, Raymond Ryan.
BILLY
So, for lunch I had the shrimp and chicken with black bean sauce—
UNCLE RAY
Where? Ming’s Garden?
BILLY
No. I go to Hop Won on Pierce.
UNCLE RAY
That place any good?
BILLY
Shit, yeah. Szechuan dumplings with peanut sauce, unbelievable. Stuffed with shrimp and pork or crabmeat—
UNCLE RAY
How do you know what they’re stuffed with? They could say anything.
BILLY
Come on. And there’s this place over on Monroe, Mackie’s, just opened, that for nineteen ninety-five you get soup, salad, a small lobster and a potato.
UNCLE RAY
That’s not a bad deal. Might hafta check it out myself.
BILLY
Tell the guy ya know me. He’ll take good care a’ya.
UNCLE RAY
I bet. So, two big meals like that. Not includin the bacon ya had for breakfast.
BILLY
I gotta have my bacon.
UNCLE RAY
Have a fuckin salad for god’s sake.
BILLY
I can’t eat no fuckin salad.
UNCLE RAY
Ya gained a lotta weight, Billy. Face it.
BILLY
There’re a lotta guys fatter than me, Uncle Ray.
UNCLE RAY
I’m not talkin about them, I’m talkin about you. Layin in the hospital. With tubes runnin up yer nose, comin out your dick. Stuck up yer—
BILLY
Okay. Look, I’m stressed, alright? I gotta lotta stress.
UNCLE RAY
It’s your own doin.
BILLY
I know that, Uncle Ray. I know. Thanks for comin.
(An attractive, young doctor, Asian, enters holding a clipboard.)
DR. KIM
Mister Ryan?
BILLY
I just had my blood pressure checked a half-hour ago. You guys gotta communicate—
DR. KIM
I’m Doctor Kim.
BILLY
Oh. I’m sorry. I thought—
(He checks her out.)
Hello.
DR. KIM
I’m a resident here in ICU.
BILLY
How old’re you? Nineteen? Twenty?
DR. KIM
We have your tests.
BILLY
(Smiling.)
How’d I do?
DR. KIM
Well, you did have a heart attack. Your right coronary artery was ninety percent blocked—
BILLY
Ninety percent. That’s a lotta percent.
DR. KIM
—we performed an angioplasty and put in a stent, but we need to do more tests.
BILLY
Doctor, my heart’s beatin really fast now.
DR. KIM
(A short beat.)
I expect you’ll be here at least a few more days, but your condition is stable. And you’re being carefully monitored, so if there is an event—
BILLY
An event?
DR. KIM
If something changes it’ll show up on the monitor and we’ll see it.
BILLY
I can see I’m pretty well hooked-up.
DR. KIM
Try not to move around. Try to stay calm.
BILLY
With you in the room? I dunno.
DR. KIM
Doctor Aarons will be in later to take a look at you.
(Dr. Kim exits. Billy laughs.)
UNCLE RAY
Still the same Billy Ryan. A fuckin idiot.
BILLY
She loved me, Uncle Ray! Couldn’t ya tell?
UNCLE RAY
No. Those people’re takin over the world.
BILLY
C’mon. You gotta admit she was cute, huh? Tall. Slim. Nice, right? Stand-offish. A little mysterious.
UNCLE RAY
Our inscrutable friends from the East.
BILLY
Yeah. Kinda cold. I’ll warm her up. Waddaya think?
UNCLE RAY
What do I think? I think you’re outa your fuckin mind. That’s what I think. Pain in the ass gettin up here. They closed the Van Buren.
BILLY
Oh yeah?
UNCLE RAY
Construction. Next time ya pick a hospital, don’t pick this one. Fuckin dump, anyway.
BILLY
This is where they took me. I didn’t pick it.
UNCLE RAY
Franklin General isn’t for people like you and me. Understand?
BILLY
No. I don’t understand. I’m stupid. Could you explain it to me, Uncle Ray?
UNCLE RAY
I’ll draw ya a blueprint. When’s Sharon comin?
BILLY
Who the fuck knows?
UNCLE RAY
Nice.
BILLY
Hey, I dunno. They said she called. Left a message. Can’t make it today. Call tomorrow. Gotta get Billy from soccer, then Jill and Jenny from dance class. And then she’s gotta dump ‘em off somewhere, and then go meet… I dunno… Jamál—
UNCLE RAY
Shut the fuck up.
BILLY
—or Ramón or—
UNCLE RAY
Hey! She’s a good kid. She’d never do anything like that and you know it. Daddy’s in the hospital and the kids are playin ball and dancin. Nice.
BILLY
What’re they gonna do here? They’ll aggravate me and I’ll have another heart attack.
UNCLE RAY
Hey. How come you don’t bring ‘em around anymore? Don’t they wanna see their Uncle Ray?
BILLY
Course, they do. They like the presents.
UNCLE RAY
Then why dontcha…?
BILLY
Talk to Sharon, she’s the one with the bug up her ass.
UNCLE RAY
About what?
BILLY
About everything. She’s crazy. I toldja.
UNCLE RAY
I don’t—?
BILLY
Just talk to her. I don’t wanna get—
UNCLE RAY
Is it—
BILLY
—involved in this bullshit.
UNCLE RAY
—somethin I—
BILLY
Naah.
UNCLE RAY
—did? Or said?
BILLY
It’s nothin. She’s a little…
UNCLE RAY
What did I—?
BILLY
Nothin. Really. She’s got a vivid—
UNCLE RAY
Billy, I—
BILLY
—imagination.
UNCLE RAY
Imagination?
BILLY
Don’t worry about it. Really.
UNCLE RAY
I’m worried. I love those kids.
BILLY
I know ya do.
(A short beat.)
They zapped me, Uncle Ray.
UNCLE RAY
Wha?
BILLY
Twice with those fuckin pads. Zzzzzappp! I flew in the air! When they did that on E.R.—
UNCLE RAY
I liked that show.
BILLY
Me too. The girl. That type. Whatsername? Black hair. Glasses. Right? She’s a little stiff. A little too smart for her own good. Take the glasses off and she’s hot. Right? I like that. You, Uncle Ray?
UNCLE RAY
Yeah. Me likey. Me likey. What’s not to like?
BILLY
Tell me about it.
UNCLE RAY
Just so long as the broad keeps her mouth shut, we’ll get along fine.
BILLY
You’re the best, Uncle Ray. Hey, how come you never married?
UNCLE RAY
Look at me. Who the fuck would be crazy enough to marry me? Come on.
(He does his signature dance.)
BILLY
Yeah!
(They both laugh.)
What were we talkin about?
UNCLE RAY
I dunno. E.R.?
BILLY
No. No. Before that.
UNCLE RAY
The kids?
BILLY
No. After. Shit. I forgot. Prob’ly wasn’t important anyway. Fuckin place. Kill for a cigarette. A bourbon. Little ice. Cracked. Nice. Fuck. Uncle Ray, howsabout gettin me a ciga—
UNCLE RAY
You’re in the hospital, ya idiot!
BILLY
I know. I know. I know. Can’t believe I’m laid-up in this shithouse. Maybe I got one—?
(He feels around for his cigarettes. He touches a sore spot.)
Ow, oh yeah, the pads! That’s it.
UNCLE RAY
Yeah.
BILLY
Yeah. When they zapped me. The pad thing.
UNCLE RAY
Yeah. That was it. Yeah.
BILLY
When they did the pad thing, I’m like “it’s over.” I’m shakin like this:
(He shakes.)
That was a new one on me, tell ya that. Fuckin terror.
UNCLE RAY
Ya wanna talk terror? I’ll give ya terror. When ya got some fuckin Viet Cong gook bastard—
BILLY
Uncle Ray. Come on.
UNCLE RAY
—in a tree lobbin hand grenades and shootin at ya and ya can’t find him. And yer best friend’s head explodes and lands in your lap and bits of skull and bone—
BILLY
I know.
UNCLE RAY
—and blood get all over ya face, in ya mouth and his fuckin eyeball’s bouncin around and shit’s flyin everywhere—
BILLY
I know! I know, Uncle Ray. Nam sucked. I know. Jesus.
UNCLE RAY
I hadda eat bugs.
BILLY
I know. They took so much blood. I told the nurse, blond hair, little chunky, (nice rack, though), “Sweetheart, could ya leave a couple pints for me?” She was laughin. Pretty cute, too.
UNCLE RAY
They’re all cute.
BILLY
Jesus, I hope this is covered, cause if it ain’t, I’m done. Ya know, in a way I’m lucky it was a heart attack and they admitted me, else I woulda hadda pay out-the-nose. I freaked out, so they hadda gimme somethin to relax me.
UNCLE RAY
I’ll give ya somethin to relax ya.
(He makes a fist.)
BILLY
Yeah. You’re real funny. How can ya relax when the bill’s gettin higher and higher?
UNCLE RAY
How can ya relax when every minute might be yer last?
BILLY
Thanks, Uncle Ray. What if the tests come back and say I gotta get a bypass or somethin and I’m out for months? What if those motherfuckers at Mutual won’t pay? What if—
UNCLE RAY
Take it easy, Billy-boy. Your Uncle Ray’s got it all figured out. City gives ya a good health plan. You’ll go out on Disability for a while. Take some time off. Recuperate. You’ll be up and runnin in no time.
BILLY
I sure hope so.
UNCLE RAY
Ya know, I saw Tommy McHenry the other night. You remember Tommy, dontcha?
BILLY
No. I’m stupid. I don’t remember Tommy McHenry. Gimme a break, Uncle Ray.
UNCLE RAY
Ya know, they got him an office in that blue building with all the glass.
BILLY
Yeah, I know.
UNCLE RAY
By the Armory.
BILLY
Yeah, I know. He’s got your buddy, Frank’s old job, right?
UNCLE RAY
Frank’ll be back.
BILLY
Yeah. In five-to-ten.
UNCLE RAY
Hey—
BILLY
Frank’s a crook—
UNCLE RAY
Frank’s no crook.
BILLY
—face it.
UNCLE RAY
And he’s been very good to you, whether you know it or not.
BILLY
Fine.
UNCLE RAY
And didja know Tommy’s a silent partner at The Blue Room, The Pink Pussycat, Gents—
BILLY
Gents?
UNCLE RAY
Yeah. Kid’s made it, far as I’m concerned.
BILLY
Guess the scumbag’s doin pretty good.
UNCLE RAY
What’s wrong with Tommy all of a sudden?
BILLY
Nothin. He’s a stellar individual. Yeah. Tommy McHenry, a purveyor of spirits and a pimp to boot. Good man. Someone for your kids to look up to. A role model.
UNCLE RAY
Thanks for the commentary. Well, he sends his best. “Get well quick. Speedy recovery.”
BILLY
Nice.
UNCLE RAY
Wants ya to call him one of these days. Catch up.
BILLY
I will. Not quite up-to-it, Uncle Ray. Me bein… ya know… sick—
UNCLE RAY
I know.
BILLY
—in the hospital.
UNCLE RAY
When ya can. No rush. Why ya gettin so worked-up?
BILLY
I’m not. I’m…
UNCLE RAY
What?
BILLY
I’m just… tired, Uncle Ray. I’m sorry…
UNCLE RAY
Yeah. Go to sleep. I’ll see ya… whenever. I’ll tell Tommy ya said “hello.”
(Billy closes his eyes. Uncle Ray gets up to leave. A beat.)
Billy?
BILLY
Yeah?
UNCLE RAY
Don’t try to bullshit your Uncle Ray.
(The lights fade on them.)
End of Excerpt