Lights up on Harry’s face. He talks to us.
HARRY
I knew that it was wrong. Yet, I looked that doctor square in the face and said “go ahead.” Inside, I felt something snap. Didn’t know what, but I knew it wasn’t good, but there was no turning back. I said “go ahead” and everything changed.
(Lights up on a team of masked surgeons surrounding a patient. They are preparing to make their first cut. Not far away, a goat observes.)
And soon, I didn’t know where I was or what I was.
(Harry rises from his bed with some ease. If possible, he could actually float.)
At times, I thought I was flying; weightless. It was as if I was a balloon that floated to the top of the room and made its home in a corner; hovering between the shelves of equipment, the ceiling and the wall. I found myself watching them work. It was strange to be able to watch the surgeon cutting me open, but I didn’t feel a thing. God, they were good! Such precision! Not a wasted move! I just sat down and watched the show. Sat down? How could I sit? There was nothing to sit on. I crouched into a fetal position. And for a moment, I forgot why I was there. Then I saw me. I didn’t like the way I looked; ugly and pasty; a lifeless piece of white, bloody meat. I imagined myself roasted with carrots, potatoes and onions all around me, sopping-up my natural juices— and my stupid relatives feasting on me.
(We hear the sounds of a noisy family dinner; people talking at once. At first, softly, but soon grows in volume. The goat disappears. The lights come up on the family dinner. Or, a spot can be used for each character as they speak.)
My nephew, Andrew, with my drumstick in his mouth, making a pig of himself— blood, grease and small pieces of my dark meat and crispy skin on his face. Everyone thinks he’s so cute and they cheer him on, applauding him for every stupid little thing he does. Eating, being the biggest crowd-pleaser of all!
JERRY
Look at him go! Kid sure can eat! Takes after his old man!
(We hear the sounds of laughter, (not unlike those of a 60’s sitcom), throughout the following.)
HARRY
And my sister-in-law, Liz, chewing on thin slices of my breast meat, complaining how dry it is!
LIZ
(A short grunt, then—)
Overcooked.
ANDREW
It’s great, Ma! I like the gravy!
(Andrew slurps a little gravy and continues to eat.)
HARRY
And my asshole brother-in-law, tossing my roasted testicles in the air and popping them in his mouth like Cracker Jacks!
(Jerry tosses a testicle in his mouth. He chews and swallows it and laughs uproariously. Lights out on them.)
Idiots! All of ‘em! Stuffing their stupid faces with old meat, fat, sugar and salt! ME! God, I hate them! It surprises me how much. I never intended to become a hateful person, but there it is. Even the little ones, who I have no business hating yet, they’re horrible, too! Their greedy little faces, they want everything and everyone! We’re all there, just for the taking! Maybe this is what getting older is about? After a while, you hate the world and what it’s become… what you’ve become… and soon… it’s time to leave it.
(Lights out. We hear the exaggerated sounds of a hospital, various beeps and hums, etc. We might hear “The Sound is Fading” by Leah Hicks-Manning and Robbie Robertson. The lights change and reveal Harry strapped to a bed that in another time might have been “The Rack.” It’s propped up to a 45 degree angle for some unknown reason. His friend from childhood, Bennett, is visiting. Harry’s staring upwards. We catch him in the midst of counting the ceiling tiles.)
BENNETT
How are you feeling today?
HARRY
As best as I could under the circumstances.
BENNETT
That’s good.
HARRY
Yeah. It’s great.
BENNETT
Did you get in touch with Sue?
HARRY
No. When was I supposed to do that? I’ve been lying in this bed. I can’t move. How could I possibly—
BENNETT
I don’t know. I just thought, maybe… I dunno—
HARRY
What? That I was a telepath? I could just contact—
BENNETT
No. I know you’re not a telepath.
(A short beat.)
HARRY
And what is your concern whether I talk to Sue or not? You know we’re on the outs.
BENNETT
I was just making conversation.
HARRY
You’re fulla shit.
(Bennett grimaces.)
What are you doing?
BENNETT
Nothing.
HARRY
Why are you making that face?
BENNETT
I’m not.
HARRY
Are you trying to read my mind again?
BENNETT
No.
(A very short beat.)
Yes.
HARRY
I can always tell, you know.
BENNETT
How?
HARRY
I can feel you in there. Banging around.
BENNETT
It’s that obvious?
HARRY
Yes.
BENNETT
What do I sound like?
HARRY
Thumping. A loud, annoying thump. And your antennas twirl. You should’ve worn your hat. The gray skin, I can handle. The antennas, not so much.
BENNETT
(A short beat.)
You know, I always liked Sue.
HARRY
I know you did.
BENNETT
She's very attractive.
HARRY
Yes, that she is. Why would you bring that up now?
BENNETT
We’re talking about Sue.
HARRY
No. You’re talking about Sue. I’m just laying here minding my own business.
BENNETT
Sorry.
(Short pause.)
Lying here —minding my own business.
HARRY
What?
BENNETT
You said “laying here” minding—
HARRY
Shut up.
(A beat.)
Would you mind moving?
BENNETT
What?
HARRY
Your chair. I feel as if you’re right on top of me.
BENNETT
Where do you want me to move?
HARRY
Over there.
BENNETT
Where?
HARRY
By the window.
BENNETT
Your Earth sun drains my—
HARRY
The window.
(Bennett picks up his chair and sets it down by the window. He sits.)
BENNETT
How’s this?
HARRY
Now you’re blocking the light.
(Bennett moves his chair away from the window and sets it down a few feet away.)
BENNETT
How about here?
HARRY
No. Move a little to the left.
(He does.)
That’s better.
(Harry breathes.)
I’m not as sick of you as I was two minutes ago.
(Pause.)
Such a beautiful day. Bright sun. Nice breeze.
(Harry sees something out the window and fixates on it. A beat.)
BENNETT
What are you looking at?
HARRY
The leaves.
BENNETT
Why?
HARRY
They’re dancing.
(We might hear music, (such as Strauss’ Blue Danube Waltz), faintly, then growing in volume. Harry giggles and hums along with the music.)
They are so cute! Don’t you think they’re cute?
(Silence.)
Don’t you think they’re cute?
BENNETT
The leaves?
(A short silence.)
HARRY
So young. That big one really likes that little one.
(Harry continues to hum and watch. He smiles, then turns despondent.)
I hope they make it.
(A beat. Smiling, continuing to enjoy the music. Silence, then—)
I love The Dance. Sue’s a good dancer, you know. She danced professionally.
BENNETT
I know.
HARRY
Did you ever dance with her?
BENNETT
Never had the pleasure.
HARRY
She doesn’t kid around. She really puts you through it. Dips and twirls. You find yourself dipping her and twirling her even if you’ve never dipped and twirled before. What I wouldn’t give to dance with her again.
BENNETT
You will.
HARRY
I don’t think so.
(The music fades, then stops. A short beat.)
Dance? I’d be happy to take a walk with her. Hold her hand. A simple walk on a beautiful day… I guess I’ll be missing a whole bunch of beautiful days.
BENNETT
You know what? Instead of lying in this bed and feeling sorry for yourself you should be thankful. Some people aren’t as fortunate as you. They don’t get to have operations and a bed with straps. They’re just left to die in pain on the street.
HARRY
The fact that some people are worse off than me, doesn’t make my situation any better.
BENNETT
Why can’t you ever see the bright side of anything?
HARRY
The misfortune of others isn’t a bright side.
End of Excerpt