LENNY & LOU

Two brothers in their early thirties.  Lou went to check up on their elderly mother cause Lenny managed to fuck up the simple task of picking up her bananas for the morning.  We catch The Brothers Feinstein as Lou's just told Lenny that he got into it with Mom, (as he usually does) and now she's dead.  In this scene, the two brothers grapple with the meaning of life and death.

LOU

You’re fuckin hopeless.  Lemme tell ya what happens when ya die—nothin.  You're dead.  And that's it.  You're like this fuckin table.

(He bangs on the table.)

See?  Nothin.  Don’t feel nothin.  Don’t know nothin.  Don’t want nothin.  That’s what you are when you’re dead.  Nothin.  You're not there.  One minute, you’re there and you could be laughin and drinkin and who knows what; and the next, you’re gone.

LENNY

Where are you gone to?

LOU

You’re just gone.  It’s like before you were born, except it’s after you're dead.

LENNY

That scares me.

LOU

Nothin to be scared of.

LENNY

Why not?

LOU

Cause you’re nothin.

LENNY

I’m not nothin.  Never will be nothin.  Maybe bein nothin is okay with you, but it ain’t okay with me.

LOU

Why is it okay with me?

LENNY

Look at me and look at you.  Come on.

LOU

Fuck you for sayin that.  I should kill you for sayin that.

LENNY

Haven’t you done enough killing for one day?

LOU

Maybe not?

LENNY

What’s that supposed to mean?

LOU

I hate when people say that.

LENNY

Say what?

LOU

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  They know damn well what it’s supposed to mean.  They just wanna make sure they heard it right.  Like they got shit in their ears that blocks out the truth or somethin.

LENNY

What?  So you think you can go and kill me?  You can’t kill me.

LOU

Why can’t I?

LENNY

Coz I’ll kill you first, ya fuckin asshole!  Waddaya sayin?

LOU

I’m a killer now, Len.  It’s a whole different ballgame now!

LENNY

How?

LOU

How?  You now know that I can kill someone!

LENNY

Killin the old lady is not like killin someone.  The old lady deserved to die sooner or later.  She didn’t have much time left.  She drove ya crazy.  She pushed ya.  That’s a lot different than just plain old murder.

LOU

Murder is murder.  Old lady or not.  If I killed her, I could kill you.  I could kill anyone.  I know that now.  And so do you.

 

LENNY

You think you’re so great coz ya killed the old lady.  Anyone coulda done it.  I coulda done it.  You don’t know how many times I hadda stop myself.  You ain’t so great.

 

LOU

All I’m sayin is don’t take things for granted.  I felt good after killin her.  I might wanna feel good again.

 

LENNY

Make you feel good to kill me?

 

LOU

Could.

 

LENNY

Kill me while I’m sleepin?

 

LOU

You piss me off enough.

 

LENNY

Listen, Louie—

 

LOU

See?  I could kill you for callin me Louie!

 

LENNY

Okay, big shot.  I’m goin.

 

LOU

Go!

 

LENNY

And I’m comin back with the cops.  We’ll see what a big shot you are, Lefty Louie, when they’re two big fuckin cops with guns in here, readin you your rights.

 

LOU

Yeah, yeah.

 

LENNY

And they slap the cuffs on ya, and they’re too tight and you go “ow, this is too tight!” and they tell ya to shut the fuck up and they smack ya around a little; and then they drag ya downstairs to the squad car and when ya go out the front door, there’s photographers and tv cameras and shit and lights flashin and they’re all yellin at ya “why’dja do it, asshole?” and people’re callin you names and throwin shit atcha; and the cops hustle you in the back seat, pushin your head down and then they speed off and you’re never heard from again.  And six months from now, you're stabbed in prison by some white supremacist, or some religious fanatic or some other asshole, and you end up on page fuckin twelve of the Post with all the other news nobody gives a shit about, but they gotta print anyway.

 

LOU

You’d do that to me?

LENNY

If you say you’re gonna kill me, you leave me no choice.  I can’t trust you now.  I can’t be alone with you in a room now.  I gotta watch you carefully.  Maybe you’ll crack up while you’re slicin the roast beef and stab me while I ain’t lookin?  Or, I’ll fall asleep and you’ll dismember me in the night.  I don’t know.  You can’t be trusted anymore.

 

LOU

I’m not gonna kill you.

 

LENNY

But you already said you could.  That changes things.

 

LOU

No it doesn’t.

 

LENNY

Course it does.  Once you put it out there, there ain’t no getting it back.

 

LOU

Go!  Go get the cops if ya want!  See if I care!  Hey!  When you’ve killed, you ain’t afraid!  You hear me, Lenny!  I ain’t afraid of two big cops with guns!  I ain’t afraid of jail!  I ain’t afraid of a lethal injection!  I ain’t afraid of the electric chair!  I ain’t afraid of burning in hell!  Yea!  Though I Walk Through The Valley Of Death, I Ain’t Afraid, Coz I Am—

 

LENNY

You’re outa your fuckin mind!

 

LOU

—The Meanest Son-Of-A-Bitch In The Valley!

(The weight of what Lou has done falls on him.)

Oh God!   Oh.  Ohhhhh…

(He falls to his knees and cries.  Lenny sits with him and takes him in his arms.)

 

LENNY

I’m sorry I was never there for you.  I’m with you now.

(Lenny holds him and comforts him.  After a while, he sings You’ve Got A Friend.)

"When you’re down and troubled and you need a helpin hand and nothin, oh nothin is goin right…"

 

LOU

Oh, Len.  I love the way you sing.

End of Excerpt

  • Facebook
  • Twitter